In a more perfect union we would be just a few orange tweets shy of bullshit fatigue. An America where the only people tuning in to the shitshow are pundits, trolls, and politicians. Or as I believe Cher put it, gypsies, tramps & thieves. The rest of us, the true majority, would theoretically know better and be united, like it fucking says on our name.
But, we don’t live in that “more perfect union”, do we. So off we rush to swallow that bias confirmation date rape drug. With our sincere regrets, founding pops, that more perfect thing didn’t quite work out. I mean, don’t get me wrong: a lot has improved since you guys demanded liberty for... um, well, not-exactly-all.
But maybe that has been the problem all along. You guys didn’t quite believe in your own message yourselves, did you. It was a flawed prime directive from day one. You didn’t like it when a royal family of dicks messed with your freedom, but I cannot tell a lie: pass that Aunt Jemima syrup. Mmmm, hmm.
Now this one’s gonna sting just a little founding pops, but don’t shoot the messenger: Britain abolished slavery thirty years before we did. Yeah, ouch.
But it’s alright, I still love you. I look to the past for the intention of the lesson, and maybe a paradigm shift or two. Certainly not for greatness, there’s nothing great about ignorance. The only great thing about our past, all of our pasts, lies in the fucking miracle that we didn’t kill everyone. Especially given the sheer amount of ignorance we carry around with us. We didn’t know shit 250 years ago, but we knew enough to walk away from single-family rule. We created a multi-family rule, and it was a step in the right direction. As imperfect as it was, it had elements of greatness in it. Don’t get me wrong, I do admire and respect the paradigm shift. We built a sacred temple of checks and balances, and saw that it was a good thing.
So here we are, two and a half centuries later. But instead of carving our own greatness all we have done, besides finally abolishing slavery AND apartheid, landing on the moon, and stopping a tyrannical megalomaniac or two, is consolidate that multi-family rule thing. We turned our sacred temple into a country club. A “reality” shitshow. No paradigm shift here to see, more like paradigm shit. Instead of making our own greatness, we got lazy. And fat. And stupid. Must be an empire-ending thing, is it not, Pax Romana...
So maybe that’s where our big misstep lies. Our founders may have set themselves up for partial failure with that half-assed notion of liberty and freedom, but at least they didn’t set out to create another empire. In fact, they shunned the very notion. It was more of a “let our people go” moment, not a “our ruler can fuck the planet up by pressing a button” dystopia. But, that little dictator we all fight inside got the best of us, didn’t it.
And here we are. Founding pops, meet your offspring, Napoleon and Snowball the pigs. Animals in a barn, one that used to be a temple. I don’t mean to point the finger back at you pops, but maybe if we could finally understand where we went wrong on day one, we just might be able to pick up where you left off. And build a better paradigm, to finally shift the world like you did. This time without a fundamental lie poisoning the well. A well we’ve been drinking from for about one quarter of a millennium.
It is time.
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