Thursday, November 24, 2011

Why Thanksgiving Is My Favorite Holiday

So we Americans decided long ago that we would set aside a day to be thankful.  I presume it was originally intended as a statement of gratitude expressed to a higher being, when the early colonists first gathered to celebrate a successful conclusion of the fall harvest. It was after all during this very first extended family gathering that our first act of giving thanks was born. And so it was indeed, but... not exactly for the official reasons we were taught as kids. During that first fall harvest feast, when a highly political (and significantly sloshed) uncle Harry was stabbed by cousin Jimmy, there was a collective sigh of relief when Harry's butter knife wounds were not as fatal as they first appeared.

Being grateful is not merely a religious matter, or even an emotional intelligence blessing: it is a key evolutionary trait.  I believe it makes us unique on this planet.  Case in point, every Thanksgiving it is over a quarter-billion humans who join their families to celebrate with a fresh out-of-the-oven turkey, not the other way around.  In fact, much more so than the threat of global warming, I say it's imperative to our survival that we prevent turkeys from learning how to give thanks.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday for three reasons: first, the name of the holiday itself is gracious, unassuming.  Based on the name alone, it practically earns the right to a hearty celebration.  Other holidays typically have complicated and depressing names, such as, "National Observance of Overworked Laborers that Haven't Yet Been Passed Over or Crucified."  The name of those holidays alone makes you want to march to the drugstore and get yourself some Oxycontin -- ensuring of course that you spend the entire four-day weekend petting your plants and watering your dog.

Second, and speaking of a four-day weekend: has no one else noticed that Thanksgiving is the only holiday in America that offers an automatic four day weekend?  Yes, with the exception of prisons, forced labor camps (aka retail stores), football players, and selfless first-responders, everyone else is appreciatively offered a full four-day weekend.  That's an honor not even granted to the mother of all holidays: Christmas.

Which brings me to my third, and arguably most controversial reason: Thanksgiving is not Christmas.  Now, before you report me to Hallmark hear me out.  I do not hate Christmas. And I do not hate Capitalism. But putting the word "shopping" after the word "Christmas" is like putting the word “clean” in front of the word “coal”: it doesn’t legitimize your addiction to manipulation.

So just as I was getting ready to once again enjoy my favorite time of the year, with no traffic, no stores open, and as few TV commercials as I can possibly prevent without being kicked out of the house, here comes "Black Thursday". And there goes the neighborhood.

If you love to camp outside a store on any given thanksgiving day, and you don't think twice about crowd-punching to snatch one of three half-priced 75-inch flat screen TVs with a built-in popcorn maker, does that make you a bad person?  Aside from stepping over a little old lady, not necessarily. But my bet is that it does not make you a happy person either. And therein lies the rub: unhappiness is contagious. 

I can of course choose to whine about what seems to be a depressing trend, but I realize that it is probably the most contradictory thing I can do. So instead, to be consistent with the name of this wonderful holiday, I would like to wish a special happy Thanksgiving to all those parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents who refused to conform to the pursuit of unhappiness.  I am very grateful for the sacrifice they made when they left everything behind in the name of change.  I am inspired by their commitment to improve what some of their peers considered too sacred to change. And I'm just as thankful for those who serve on that special day, especially those who protected our newfound freedom in exchange for their lives.

A happy Thanksgiving of course to all my family and friends, thank you for your love and friendship.  And if you have read this far, I leave you with a classic Thanksgiving expression of relative love: shut up and pass the butter before somebody gets hurt.



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