Critical Independence Theory

When I first noticed that the US was one of the few former British colonies to wage a bloody war of independence, while many other colonies in the empire figured a less violent way forward, I started to suspect something wasn’t adding up. Maybe the US founders were too hot-headed, as partially right as their grievances may have been. Maybe they sucked at negotiating a smarter way. Maybe the US was not the architect of democracy it crowned itself in 1776. But more disturbingly, maybe it wasn’t as interested in unalienable rights as it proclaimed in its declaration of independence.

To be clear about one thing, the monarchy in 1776 was far from perfect. As ways to lead large masses of people go, it was on thin ice and borrowed time.

And yet as monarchies go, the House of Hanover with its four Georges was fairly savvy.

Peeling back the onion:

The Kingdom already had a Parliament in 1776, albeit not exactly 100% democratic. Then again, we’re not even there in 2025 so I digress. A more brutally honest look reveals that America was not exactly God’s gift to democracy, with its revolution heard around the world. Even if to be fair it did move the needle significantly. Great Britain’s parliament dated back to 1706. Timeline check: the US founders had not even been born yet. And that parliament was actually a merger of two parliaments dating back to the 1200s (England and Scotland).

By 1776 there were two houses in the parliament of Great Britain: Lords and Commons. In more diluted incarnations Commons dates back centuries, but it finally took shape and relevance in 1706. By 1776 the monarchy, nobility and the Church controlled the House of Lords, which no doubt was a thorn on the side of the British colonies. And yet the House of Lords knew better than to not work within the boundaries of a fledgling democracy. It remembered all too well the ghost of Oliver Cromwell. A ghost that went BOO! in 1649, abolishing the monarchy altogether. Not to be outdone (unalived, erased, canceled) the Crown made an impressive comeback a mere decade later.

Almost two-hundred years later, in 1832 the Reform Act turned the tables for that fledgling democracy with another seismic shift. Not a single shot fired. The House of Commons roared as the brave new “middle class” was allowed to vote. That was one small step for parliament, one giant step for democracy (with all due to respect to women, labor class, and, oh yes, slaves.)

But wait, it gets better: almost immediately the British Parliament, led by the House of Commons, abolished slavery. Thirty years before the United States. And once again, not one shot fired.

So back to this thing we call “freedom”. Unintentionally I’m sure, the United States Declaration of Independence had set itself up for failure from the start. “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal…” Oh the humanity.

Not to let negativity consume us, let’s look at the positives. Not all founders of America were slaveowners. In fact less than you’d expect from the time. Sure, the majority were. Exactly two-thirds. Which makes you wonder about that “two-thirds majority” ratio spelled out in Article V. But nevertheless one-third is a sizable block. A David that eventually overcame Goliath. Just like Commons had over Lords.

The cynic in my brain believes that the mighty American Declaration of Independence was just another oligarchic tantrum in the history of human civilization. “We don’t want to play by anyone else’s rules anymore. Look at all this rich land. We don’t need you anymore, go away. There’s a new sheriff in town. I’m the new king now. Er, president.”

And yet the optimist and dreamer in me refuses to give up. The US has contributed wonders to the world. Even in a parallel universe, without a bloody revolution, it very likely would have still been a beacon to civilization on earth.

No matter how this ends, as the United States of America flirts with fascism and dances with the devil it once knew by another name, history will still remember America’s brief and shining moment kindly.

Progress is scrappy. Civilization is painfully slow. Evolution can only be fathomed as a freeze frame.

“When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume, among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.”

Take heed America: the course of human events is coming around full circle.

The Twilight Boarding Zone

When the Wright brothers first took off on an airplane 121 years ago, their boarding time took 10 seconds. It would have taken 5 but Wilbur stopped Orville and demanded he check his oversized bag. Orville flipped his brother off and they both had a good laugh.

That was the last time the world saw an efficient boarding process. And it has little to do with passengers shortcomings, as much as they obviously exist. That excuse is simply setting travelers up for failure. 

If you ask an airline employee / manager, they will point the finger at the FAA, TSA, and the M-O-U-S-E for good measure. Some of that blame is well deserved. But not all of it. 

There are a couple of videos on YouTube that show how an efficient boarding process would / should go, according to science. Of course without traveler shortcomings, profit-maximized operations, elitism & politics. 

Is waiting to board a plane such a big deal? Within reason, not really. But that presupposes a nominal amount of mutual respect. It assumes you’re not telling a passenger that they need to be somewhere when it’s not necessary. “Boarding time” is one of the most disingenuous promises in free enterprise. 

The aircraft I’m in at this time has 38 rows, 1 aisle, 3 seats on each side of the aisle. So 6 seats x 38 = 228 souls on board. “Pre-boarding” (see George Carlin for a definition of what that means) started at 10:09AM. Departure was scheduled for 10:49. It is now 10:48, and we’re pulling back. So far so good, textbook boarding for 228 spinal cords. 

So is 40 minutes really that bad, especially for that number of people? Not really, with one exception: half of that time was spent having the aisle passengers sit down, only to be asked by a middle seat passenger to get up or pay up for a lap dance. Rinse and repeat for window passengers. Also, the example above is the airlines’ best case scenario. And their best case already takes twice as long as science says it should.

There is zero common sense (and as much common decency) in not boarding a plane from the rear to front first. They used to. What they din’t try was perfect logic. What does science say? This: special assistance first, in a section of the plane that their own. The rear of the aircraft actually makes perfect sense for them, for a number of reasons: closest to the bathrooms, and on longer trips closest to flight attendant assistance. Then window seats, then middle seats, then aisles. Every passenger is given a boarding number, so that last row window seaters are passengers #1 & #2. The aircraft can be divided into zones, as it is now but for a logical reason, not for “classism”. Nor for “communism” either. To make it more efficient, period. So in our case that could be 8 zones of 5 rows each, 30 passengers per zone. Color-code each of the zone sections, to make it visually easier for passengers to see their zone up ahead while walking down the aisle.

Remember the feet outlines on floors during the pandemic, meant for social distancing? Airport gate areas can do exactly the same. So based on your boarding number, which is based on your seat location on the plane, you find your number and stand on those happy feet. Then off you go, when the nice person herding cats waves you on. 

The whole elitism of “boarding first” has to be the dumbest thing ever concocted by corporate yahoos. And that’s coming from someone who flew and still flies on first often enough. You want to cater to Mr. and Mrs. busy-wealthy? DON’T MAKE THEM COME TO THE GATE SO EARLY. I would rather be the last to board. Close the door and let’s get this candle lit. 

Thirty passengers that don’t have to play musical chairs with each other can board in about 2.5 minutes. Tried and tested. That’s a 20 minute board for 228 passengers. 

As for the busy and the wealthy? Tell them they have 15 more minutes to sleep or sip on their mimosas at the VIP lounge. So in my flight, pre-boarding (zone 0) would have been asked to be at the gate by 10:20, zones 1-7 would have been asked to be ready to board at 10:30, and the beautiful people could have been asked to not bother showing up till 10:45. Steerage all strapped in, practically no wait for the chosen ones. And not to mention they’re already the first to get off. What better advantage is there? How fragile are their egos that they have to go in AND out first? C’mon. Let’s all grow up a little, shall we?

For those wondering what about those passengers who are delayed through no fault of their own, show up late due to their own poor planning, etc, there’s a simple response: since when do the airlines care about leaving people behind? Except this time at least everyone else would have a much better experience.

This is for the most part a “first world problem”, no doubt. But you know what part is not a first world problem? You guessed it: the elitist part. When elitism gets so dumb that they’ve cornered themselves into sitting down way too early, forced to wait for 200-400 passengers to shuffle past them, with steerage class looking down upon them with that smirk that says, “you know what? I’m going to take my sweet time.” And all the elites can do is just sit there and wait, while they get the Queen Elizabeth royal wave.